Snow Honeys

Director - Adele Robbins (aka Joseph F. Robertson)

Cast - Ken Starbuck, Cara Lott

Country of Origin - U.S.

Discs - 1

Distributor - Synapse

Reviewer - Steven Lewis

Date - 06/08/15

The Film (2/5)

 

Adult film stars Ken Starbuck and Kara walk the grounds of an unnamed ski resort and up to their private cabin.  As they start the beginnings of undressing themselves for a sexual romp, our hosts provide introductions for vignettes of some of the adult industry's hottest and steamiest sex films from the seventies to the early eighties.  Chock-full of the industry's hottest adult film starlets and studs from decades ago that include Seka, Kandi Barbour, Desiree Cousteau, Vanessa Del Rio, David Blair, Rhonda Jo Petty, Susan McBain, Becky Savage, Mike Horner, and John Holmes. 

 

Impulse Pictures DVD release of "Snow Honeys" has a motley collection of interesting vignettes. Sure to stimulate more of a older generation, the dated content reveals that the adult industry hasn't changed all that much since the eighties.  The same graphic lingo, the same impractical and practical sexual positions, and the same type of exotic stage names existed long before the internet. The "Snow Honeys" vignettes unfortunately are a hit or miss within the collection.

 

The reason I'm saying the vignettes are a hit or miss is because some of the clippings are no more than a minute long of choppy incoherentness. One clip that stars Susan McBain and Vanessa Del Rio clocks in under a minute and has the scene start with McBain being taken from behind and then flipping the male actor, in a slow motion sequence, onto his back and then finishing him off by hand at a regular frame rate speed. There's no real substance or any kind of spectacularity about this scene to make it worth being a vignette yet the scene made the cut somehow or another.  A few of the episodes are like this; a filthy unfocused lot of sexual acts that don't set up scene properly and only convey the money shot.  Other scenes have unrefined post production dubbing especially in the clip of the dirty old French man and the young woman.  The scene isn't already bad enough with the editing that obviously cuts to different male actors (you can tell by their European speedo tan), but the "dirty old French man" is dubbed in a very horrendous, if not also comical, French accent.

 

The "hit" vignettes are what make "Snow Honeys" all the more worth it. Two episodes worth noting are of Mike Horner's character "Superrod," a triple X version of "Superman," who has his way with "Swedish Erotica" series stars Seka and Kandi Barbour as "Lois Canal," creating the hottest scenes on the release. "Superman" and "Lois Lane" must have been tabooed due to be a licensed character names due in part to their names being censored out of the parody's dialogue by an annoying bleep and then, in post production, just had to voice over narrator switch over to "Superrod" to salvage what's left of the porn parody's dignity. Another good episode comes in the form of a long montage which is visually defined as an explosion of penetrations, blowjobs, female masturbation, and cumshots. Some scenes are repeated, but the hilarity lies within the Gioachino Rossini's classic "William Tell Overture" being as the soundtrack to the montage.

 

Inevitably, the best and most coherent sex scenes were from our hosts Ken Starbuck and Kara aka Cara Lott. The couple displays a lack of acting skills judging by a few missed line cues and also from delivering their lines with emotion that's lesser than a robots, but Ken and Cara definitely know how to get it on. Eventually, you'll be more interested in their clumsy, but sexy outer-rimmed story than the clunky vignettes.

 

Video / Audio (2.5 / 5)

 

Impulse Picture's DVD specs include the original full frame 1.33:1 presentation. The original negative of "Snow Honeys" varies from scene to scene with dust debris and other imperfections, but overall the Synapse label did what they could to mend and salvage "Snow Honeys" as a viable release as the film stock doesn't look to be too terribly aged and the colors are bit more vibrant than they should given its been just over three decades since "Snow Honeys" was released.

 

The Dolby Digital 2.0 mono mix is actually quite good. The mix prioritizes the dialogue clearly, the soundtrack is well balanced, and any type of interference only minimally interferes with the viewing. There are slight pops during the opening credits, but relatively smooth sailing after that.

 

Extras ( 0.5 / 5 )

 

There are no disc extras, but the release does come with an explicit reversible DVD cover.  The film's poster illustrated cover is great and suggestive, but if you fancy Rhonda Jo Betty's hairy bush, you might like the alternate cover much better.

 

Overall

 

A combined 75 minutes of clodhopping clips that I've ever crossed paths with, but yet not awkward enough to halt being turned on.  I'm not sure if Impulse Picture's "Snow Honeys" will have all your current favorite adult film stars and will most likely cater to a much older generation and the vintage assembly of porn will lose the already dwindling attention span of a younger audience, but there lies entertainment in parody, the attractiveness of starlets, and the long-lasting existence of our need for desire and so "Snow Honeys," and those like it, will always be a good rental.