Denise (Teresa Gimpera) is in a bad marriage! Well, her boring husband Peter and/or John (Larry Ward) is actually very boring, but for real, she’s kind of a dickweed. She’s having an affair with Peter and/or John’s brother named Peter and/or John (Larry Ward’s twin brother Larry Ward). They have concocted a preposterous scheme to…
Killer Condom – 4K Ultra HD/Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
If you haven’t seen Killer Condom before, you should skip my paragraph of plot description because my enjoyment of the film was greatly increased by going in as cold and limp as possible. Detective Luigi Mackeroni (Udo Samel) is known for two things on the filthy and naughty streets of New York City: his big…
Evil Judgement – Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
Waitress/dancer Janet (Pamela Collyer) is dating a world class cheesefart of a man named Dino (Jack Langedijk). One night, they get into an argument, and he throws her out of his apartment (before she has a chance to get dressed!), and she turns to her sex worker pal named April (Nanette Workman) for help. April…
Tombs of the Blind Dead – Blu-ray Review (Synapse Films)
As any historian will tell you, the Knights Templar were thirsty bros. They were into some decidedly not nice things like witchcraft (the bad kind), flaying people alive, and blood drinking. After they were convicted of these things and tied to stakes, some birds pecked out their damn eyes. Don’t judge! A bird is gonna…
Ghost Nursing – Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
Jackie (Shirley Yim) is a gambling addict who got herself into some serious trouble when her boyfriend’s jewel heist went awry. Now she’s on the run and heads to Thailand where her pal hooks her up with a job as a sex worker, which she is absolutely not into. When that too goes completely wrong,…
Dracula (The Dirty Old Man) – Blu-ray Review (AGFA/Vinegar Syndrome)
One night, Dracula wakes up thirsty for blood but also, he’s horny as hell. He hypnotizes Mike Waters, a newspaperman or lawyer or something (who looks vaguely like Wayne Newton), enslaves him, and then turns the guy into Irving Jackalman, a werewolf or werejackal. Dracula then commands Irving to bring him some lovely ladies so…
Vacation of Terror 1 & 2 – Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
In Vacation of Terror (1989), a bunch of sepia-toned villagers tie a witch to a tree and give her plenty of time to curse everyone before they imprison her soul in a doll and throw it down a well. Also, they set the witch on fire. Flash forward to the greatest decade that ever was…
Ghoulies II – Blu-ray Review (MVD Rewind)
A man running with a bagful of ghoulies with a bunch of cloaked figures hot on his trail starts this story off. The man is less than successful at destroying the little monsters than he’d hoped. Now the ghoulies have hitched a ride on a carnival caravan and take up residence in the spookhouse. This…
Arnold – Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
Karen (Stella Stevens) is beside herself with joy. It’s her wedding day and she’s finally going from being the mistress of Lord Arnold Dwellyn to being his wife. There’s just one tiny problem: Arnold is frickin’ dead. Zany! How the cost-cutting trend of pairing both your funeral and wedding on the same day never caught…
Tenebrae – 4K UHD and Blu-ray Review (Synapse Films)
When Dario Argento finished Inferno in 1980, everyone expected him to complete the Three Mothers trilogy with another supernatural horror film. Instead, he said, “I’m going to make the greatest giallo ever made… um… again!” The first time I saw Tenebrae, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Even though some pesky Google searches had spoiled a…