Failed writer/successful alcoholic Tim Madden (Ryan O’Neal) wakes up with a wicked hangover and discovers his father (Lawrence Tierney) sitting in his kitchen. Tim tells his dad all about the total insanity of the last couple of weeks, including but not limited to a multi-million-dollar cocaine deal, murder, infidelity, a severed head, and a big bag of weed. Thanks to his propensity for blackouts and hallucinations, Tim isn’t entirely sure how much of his wild week is even real. One thing’s for sure, he’s got the maniacal local sheriff Alvin Regency (Wings Hauser) making his life very complicated and an estranged wife from Hell named Patty Lareine (Debra Stipe) who may or may not have been murdered by Tim himself. Throw in his ex-wife (Isabella Rosellini) that he’s still madly in love with and a few more nutbars to further complicate things and voila, Tim is well and truly fudged.

I have a lot of patience with long movies, and I have even more for weird movies. Tough Guys Don’t Dance (1987) is both and yet it somehow managed to nearly buck me like a bronco numerous times. Hold up, this is movies is less than 2 hours? Okay, my bad. It certainly doesn’t feel like it. Anyway, my short history with Norman Mailer is that I read one of his novels (Barbary Shore) and loved it. Then I tried to read a couple of his other novels (The Naked and the Dead and The Deer Park) and they were a no go. The rest of my knowledge of Mailer is that clip of him on YouTube brawling with Rip Torn and another where he’s getting into a pissing match with Gore Vidal. What can I say? I’ve always been a Henry Miller guy, but that’s another review that you don’t want to read.

Tough Guys Don’t Dance is an adaptation of Mailer’s own 1984 novel and oh brother, I kind of need to read it now. It’s only 231 pages and yet somehow this bloated and bonkers movie came out of it. What’s worse is that there are a couple of moments in the editing (e.g. Tim’s dog that shows up for one scene?) where it really feels like the film was probably going to be a 3 hour epic. Veteran cinematographer John Bailey certainly brings his A game on this one as Tough Guys is pretty breathtaking to behold. Bailey captures the creepy and desolate feel of the fall and winter seasons of Massachusetts, the sterile and vapid decor of the 1980s, but never misses a chance to get colorful when he needs to. Another essential crew member is the mighty composer Angelo Badalamenti. Shocking literally no one familiar with his work, his score is incredible.

The always intimidating Wings Hauser completely steals every scene he’s in and I think this might be one of my favorite performances of his -too bad I never want to sit through this film again. Mailer gave him a ton of space to really dig in and bring the weird. I’m not really a Ryan O’Neal guy per se but he‘s a great lead for this film as he’s playing the least insane character out of all these wacky ass creepos. His “Oh man! Oh God!” reaction scene must be seen to be believed. Debra Stipe, known mostly for her TV work, and Frances Fisher, who was in that now forgotten bomb called Titanic (1997), are just incredible as dueling blonde femme fatales. Isabella Rosellini doesn’t have a huge role, but she gives O’Neal one of the most brutal withering glares I’ve ever seen a woman give her husband. I aspire to get my wife to look at me that way. Sadly, Clarence Williams III is utterly wasted here. He looks cool, says one line, and then disappears from the film!

The first film I thought of while watching Tough Guys Don’t Dance is Blue Velvet (1986). Mailer’s film is very Lynchian and the presence of Rosellini and Badalamenti only adds to the two films’ connection in my mind. Since Blue Velvet had only been out a short while before filming on Tough Guys began, any direct influence is unlikely. But seriously, most of the characters in this one could have been part of Frank Booth’s entourage. There are scenes of hyper overacting that really reminded me of both Blue Velvet and Wild at Heart (1990). Who knows, maybe Lynch was a devotee of Mailer’s! Both directors have one thing in common: the viewer is likely to ask themselves: “What in the actual frick did I just watch?” If you need a highly unusual slab of neo-noir what-the-fuckery with frantic, over-the-top performances, a pitch black sense of humor, homophobic slurs, and caviar and cocaine (on the same coffee table) then give this thing a watch.

Vinegar Syndrome’s Blu-ray of Tough Guys Don’t Dance from a newly scanned and restored 2K 35mm print looks and sounds phenomenal. No surprise there. For extras, there’s a lot to pick through. First up is a very heavy audio commentary from historian Justin Bozung that gets crazy deep with the film’s themes. Next is the most important extra of all time: an interview with Wings Hauser. He tells some crazy stories about auditioning for his role 5 times and having to stand up to Mailer to earn his respect. Cinematographer John Bailey discusses working on Tough Guys and translating Mailer’s ideas for the big screen. There’s an interview with Normal Mailer’s son Michael Mailer, who visited the set often in order to learn about filmmaking. Mailer biographer J. Michael Lennon is on hand to discuss the film’s source material. Finally, there’s a half an hour documentary with Mailer himself from the old MGM DVD of Tough Guys.