Poor Paula (Jill Schoelen)! She has an annoying (but hunky) boyfriend named Dwight (Brad Pitt), an obnoxious best friend (Brenda James), and a strict district attorney daddy (Martin Mull). Her teachers are all perverted weirdos. Even her lascivious principal, Mr. Dante (Roddy McDowall), can’t keep his bulging, horny eyes off her backside. As if her…
The Heroic Trio / Executioners – 4K + Blu-ray Review (The Criterion Collection)
The Heroic Trio (1993) tells the story of a mysterious cult that is stealing babies from the city for nefarious purposes and the useless cops can only stand by and watch. I mean, they are kinda out of their league since Ching (Michelle Yeoh), the person snatching these kids, can turn invisible and run up…
The Defilers and A Smell of Honey, A Swallow of Brine – Blu-ray Review (AGFA/Vinegar Syndrome)
The Defilers (1965) is about two friends, Carl and Jamie, a couple of assholes who are always out for kicks, which means trying to sex up the ladies and successfully smoking doobies. Thanks to his father being a hotshot wheeler and dealer about town, Carl has secured himself a party space/sex dungeon in a nasty…
The Curse of the Screaming Dead – Blu-ray Review (Vinegar Syndrome)
A bunch of longhairs go on a hunting party from hell, arguing over petty nonsense and incurring the wrath of some undead Civil War zombies. The Curse of the Screaming Dead (1982) is one of the single most annoying films I’ve sat through in quite a long time. The story is disjointed and tedious, and…
Dr. Caligari – Blu-ray Review (Mondo Macabro)
Even though she just got back from her stay the Caligari Insane Asylum, frustrated housewife Mrs. Van Houten (Laura Albert) is sent back right in when her wimpy dork of a husband can’t abide her unbridled horniness. This delights the malevolent Dr. Caligari (Madeleine Reynal), who uses every opportunity to further her wild experiments in…
Cushing Curiosities – Blu-ray Boxset Review (Severin Films)
Peter Cushing is not my dad. Please stop asking. I know that he and I have the same bone structure and body type AND level of success/talent, but I checked the DNA and it just ain’t matchin’. Despite not being my father, Peter Cushing was just great. I know you already know it, so let’s…
Elegant Beast – Blu-ray Review (Radiance Films)
Tomoko (Yûko Hamada) and her brother Minoru (Manamitsu Kawabata) are bad kids! They lie constantly and they cheat everyone they meet. But that’s okay for their parents, because they taught them how! Mom and dad, ex-soldier Tokizo Maeda (Yûnosuke Itô) and his wife Yoshino (Hisano Yamaoka), are a pair of slimeballs that have moved into…
The Sinister Dr. Orloff – Blu-ray Review (Mondo Macabro)
Sometimes, fathers and sons don’t get along. Alfred Orloff (Antonio Mayans) is trying to do what his father, Dr. Orloff (Howard Vernon) AKA Big Poppa, never could and that is to resurrect his comatose mother/lover named Melisa. Alfie employs his monstrous manservant Andros to help him snatch party girls and sex workers off the streets,…
The Facts of Murder – Blu-ray Review (Radiance Films)
Two crimes occur in an old apartment building in Rome just a few days apart. The first, a suspicious robbery of a bachelor and the second, the brutal stabbing of the woman living just next door. Inspector Ingravallo (Pietro Germi) is called in to solve both cases and his tough, no-nonsense approach immediately begins to…
The Blue Jean Monster – Blu-ray Review (88 Films)
A super cop named Joe (Fui-On Shing) has got problems. Aside from the fact that he died in the line of duty and was resurrected by a glowing cat and a downed powerline, his very pregnant wife Chu (Siu-Fung Wong) has had it with his tireless dedication to his work while she is left neglected…